Found my next. . .

Last night I had a moment--and it involved chips. I had lap-band surgery in March 2009 so sometimes eating is an issue for me. Yesterday I scarfed down half a banana for breakfast and regretted it b/c it came up during my commute to work (yes, gross). For lunch I had a small garden salad and a bowl of spinach & artichoke soup (not low calorie, dude, but it was veggies). For my after workout meal I ate a quarter of a roast beef & provolone sub (minus half the bread). I tried to eat the other quarter on my commute home but it didn't stay down (again, gross). After having two episodes, I decided to have chips for lunch. I started with some Honey Dijon Kettle chips and then moved on to tortilla chips with queso.

At one point I stopped and asked myself, "Why am I eating this?" And the answer was so crazy. FEAR! My ankle has been swollen since Sunday and it's messing with my head. I keep thinking what if I'm injured? How am I going to keep up my workouts? What if I revert back to my old self? What if I gain all the weight back? And my reaction to this fear was to eat. That is the nuttiest reasoning in the world. Kind of like when you have money issues so you go shopping. Really?? I jumped off the counter and poured the bag of chips into the trash and followed it up with the queso. I then pulled the other two bags that and poured them out as well. I knew when I made the decision to bring them home that it was a bad idea. But I kept them as a security blanket.

This morning I was meditating on my motives and feelings which lead me to reflect on how I felt coming up to the finishing line for the Women's' Half Marathon. Of course I started crying and thanking God. Then my mind brought up a vision of me completing the Rock n' Roll Half Marathon in Savannah, GA next year and running to my mom and hugging her. Man, I lost it. I started boo-hoo crying. I remember when I used to watch that woman run and felt so ashamed b/c I was her daughter and couldn't even get up to a 15 minute mile. I remember watching her teaching aerobics classes and I used to create fantasies where I could do that too. Years ago I even came up with a business plan for a fitness center that she could direct. My mom is my She-Ra and to have her there next year is going to be awesome! I can't put into words how much that will mean to me.

So, my next BHAG (big hairy audacious goal) is to complete the Savannah Half Marathon in 2:33 (an hour better than my time this year) and have my Mom there to give me my medal. Time to get training!

(pic of my Mom and lil sis)