Reasons, Really

There are so many thoughts going through my head right now. I want to write something inspirational. I want to unload some emotional baggage. I want to wax poetic about my training for the 13.1 Chicago. I want to share the woes and joys of gong from Fat to Fit. . .But I have no idea where to start or how to pour out to you everything that's going through my head. This past week I've been asking myself "why" a lot. Why did I sign up for these damn races? Why do I take on so much? Why does it hurt me when people live up to their pattern and consequently disappoint me? Why do I downplay my accomplishments? Why do I compare myself to other people? 

My 5 yr old running with me at the park.

Why do I keep running? 

I no longer run purely for the weight loss benefits. I run for sanity. I run for that feeling of invincibility. I run because there was a time when I never thought I could. I run because endorphins are legal. I run to show the little stick women with swishing ponytails that athletes come in all shapes and sizes. I run to tune into my spirit. I run so my kids can't catch me (ha ha).

So, I had to ask myself why did I hesitate registering for the Rock N Roll Savannah Half Marathon. I guess a part of me knew that my reason for choosing the race was not fair to me. I chose that race so that my family would have no excuse for not being there. It wasn't because I just love Savannah (which I don't, sorry). No. I did it because I was seeking approval from my family and wanted them to be there to share in something that has become so important to me. I had this vision of them standing at the finish line and me running into their arms and crying tears of victory with a triumphant musical score playing in the background. Sappy, I know.

Here's the truth: my running is not about them and nor is my racing. My family may never come out to support me and I have to learn to be okay with that. One of the hard parts about changing your life is changing your emotional patterns. Remember, your spirit, mind, and body are connected. Your emotions are a part of your spirit and can greatly effect how you treat the other two areas. That's why when you're depressed you sleep and eat (or in some cases starve yourself). Or if you're anxious you have insomnia and eat. When you're seeking love and attention you turn to negative self-talk and eating chips or Klondike bars. . .or is that just me?

So, instead of running in Savannah on Nov 5th I will instead run in the Coastal 1/2 Marathon in Orange Beach, AL on Nov 26th. Yes, that means I'll be on the beach for Thanksgiving. Ahhhh! Now that's being true to me!! Yes, I train because it keeps me focused on fitness but I reward myself by purchasing a race outfit and traveling. Before I started training, travel seemed like a luxury I couldn't afford, but now I plan my travel around my races and it excites me. Next year I would love to run in Bermuda. Oh yeah!!!

What is the point of all this rambling?? DO YOU, FOR YOU!! It's much more rewarding than trying to please others or be someone else.

To become a member of Jenita Lawal's team, please visit www.beachbodycoach.com/fitgirlposse  and sign up for a free membership. To view the Fit Girl Posse run/walk schedule, visit http://www.fitgirlposse.com/ . Follow us on Facebook at www.facebook.com/fitgirlposse  Be Fit4Life!!

Looming in the Shadows

"Two things scare me. The first is getting hurt. But that's not nearly as scary as the second, which is losing."--Lance Armstrong 

Since the day I started this journey one fear has loomed in the shadows. No matter what training plan or course I took on the one thought that reverberated through my mind was "Don't get hurt." I have heard one too many stories about people who suffer an injury then fall back into unhealthy, sedentary habits or who no longer expect victory because of physical limitations. I've held back pushing myself too hard with running because of my fear of injury. So, I have to laugh at the irony of my current situation. I didn't injure myself while running or doing Insanity, a 60-day conditioning program by Beachbody. No heroic story of me tumbling down a hill midstride while on an 8-mile run through the urban oasis of Nashville. . .Nope.

The real story: I twisted my knee while line (or "twine") dancing in flip flops on vacation--no alcohol was involved. The last jump I've been able to do was for the poolside rendition of  the Macarena. To add insult to injury I walked around Downtown Disney on a bum knee for at least two hours. And now I'm sitting here trying to figure out how much time I have to recuperate so that I can finish training for the 13.1 Chicago.

This is where the lessons I've learned over the past year are tested. The first couple of days I was afraid but now I'm all about devising a plan of action because I know that a sedentary life is not for me. I know that I'm not the same person, so that fear has no place to take root. I know that I'm not a quitter, so NOT shooting for completing the race is not an option. Even if I am not 100% by race time, I'm going to stand on that starting line and give it my best shot. I have looked forward to this race since last October and have had a vision of my family sitting along the course supporting me.

So, I will back off a little and allow my knee time to heal. If I don't feel any better by mid week I'll make an appointment with my doctor and go from there. Whatever happens I am no longer afraid of the "What If" looming in the shadows. What if I gain back all that weight? What if I can't run anymore? What if I never get any smaller? What if. . .What if. . .What if I choose to live in victory and not defeat? What if I focus on my possibilities and not my limitations? What if I take each day as it comes and just be grateful for the course thus far? Shadows aren't so scary.

To become a member of Jenita Lawal's team, please visit www.beachbodycoach.com/fitgirlposse  and sign up for a free membership. To view the Fit Girl Posse run/walk schedule, visit http://www.fitgirlposse.com/ . Follow us on Facebook at www.facebook.com/fitgirlposse  Be Fit4Life!!

The In-Between

"When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don't adjust the goals, adjust the action steps." --Confucious 

Last night I finally watched the movie Eat Pray Love and was delighted with the "sweetness of doing nothing" concept (I won't even try to spell the Italian word). For whatever reason it made me think about my current fitness quest. Somewhere along the way my focus moved from the sweetness of distance run/walking to the "must do."

For the past four weeks I've been working through the INSANITY program as a way of increasing my stamina and conditioning myself to run faster. I was thrown yet another loop in my life last week when I found out that I will no longer get kid-free weekends. My weekends were my time to train and race; I was devastated. I felt like the little creature from Lord of the Rings, "My precious!"  On Saturday the 26th I had a run planned with my group, which I could not attend because I had my kids and the fitness center doesn't allow kids. I cannot tell you how badly I wanted to cry. . .

I ended up running between mailboxes with my 5 year old. Somewhere in the midst of running with him, I started to enjoy myself. I started to have fun. We would run really fast one way then walk back or lunge or walk backwards or do jumping jacks (which he loves) or even spin around in circles. While I don't know that I'd classify our time as training, it was beneficial to my soul because two years ago I would not have been able to hang with him. Somewhere in between races I'd forgotten the pure joy of being able to move, to cover distances that others wouldn't dare, to push my body to new limits.

Somewhere in between sweat sessions I had stopped feeling that surge of invincibility that comes when you recognize your power. At one point I kicked it and ran as fast as I could. Oh my!! The wind whipping in my face, the sound of my son laughing, the rhythm of my heart, the power in my legs. In that moment I was invincibly joyous--it didn't matter how many miles I covered or where. It doesn't matter that I'm not losing the weight like I thought I would (but I'm getting smaller, go figure!) because I am enjoying the journey.

As I continue to train for the 13.1 Chicago, I've adjusted my plan of action. I still believe that I can reach my time goal. Initially I did not plan on having the kids with me, but they may have to accompany me--which is not neccsarily a bad thing. They will get to see Mommy run (which they never have) and they will get to meet their uncles, aunts, and cousins. The thing that I believe more than anything is that God has a purpose for my life and that all the hiccups and bumps will work out for my good.  When you know that you will be victorious, you can focus better on the plan of action (or devising the best way to reach the goal). For now, I am enjoying the sweet moments in between.

To become a member of Jenita Lawal's team, please visit www.beachbodycoach.com/fitgirlposse  and sign up for a free membership. To view the Fit Girl Posse run/walk schedule, visit http://www.fitgirlposse.com/ . Follow us on Facebook at www.facebook.com/fitgirlposse  Be Fit4Life!!