Today is one of those days when I have so much to say, so many thoughts that I'd like to share but none of it really flows nicely together and not all of it is cheery.
Here is the truth: going from Fat to Fit is not easy. People looking at me don't know that I've lost 89 pounds; they just see a sorta fat girl. I feel like some people don't take me seriously because I don't fit the mold. And what do I do? I look in the mirror and get frustrated because it feels like I should look so much better than I do. When I look in that mirror I forget how much more of me there used to be. I forget that I lived a lifetime of being overweight and my poor body is doing it's best to transform as fast as I'm kicking it's butt. I get frustrated because my time is limited and there is so much I want to do. I wake up at 5am and get in a run; if I'm even 10 minutes behind schedule it messes up my goal because I have a very limited window in which to accomplish my goal. Every waking moment of my life is centered around being responsible for other people and things; some days I resent it, some days I accept it, some days I cry, some days I pick up my cross and roll on.
Even after losing 89 pounds I still have to lose about 90 pounds to get to a "healthy" weight range. Say what??? How about you take your charts and. . .I digress.
What is the point of all my rambling? THIS IS NOT EASY!! And the trials are not all physical. On top of all of the above I deal with people discounting my accomplishments because I had LapBand surgery. They think because I had surgery weight loss is easy for me. Trust me, it is not. LapBand is not like gastric bypass. You don't get this dramatic loss of 100+ pounds in 6 months. It's slower and honestly, I have no regrets because it's helped me practice healthier eating habits. I haven't had an adjustment since April 2010 and I refuse to get one any time soon because with the way I workout I was constantly battling dehydration and getting enough nutrients to keep my body performing. Even without a fill I can eat like a normal person. I remember before surgery I would watch other people eat and feel like some alien because I wasn't full. I remember eating a 20 piece nugget meal with three sweet & sour sauces. I remember eating a gyro AND a Philly cheese steak sandwich from Wedgy's--with the two bags of chips!! Jesus. . .
As hard as this journey gets sometimes, I am thankful for every challenge and triumph along the way. Sometimes it bothers me that others can't see my awesomeness just by looking at me, but then I remember that I don't do this for them. When I start beating myself up about how I look right now, I remember how I looked "then" and thank God for the progress.
So I hope that when you hit your bumps and potholes you find a way to maneuver around them. It's okay to scream and maybe shout an expletive or two. Once you get it out, get back on the road with exuberance and joy. Do this thing with zeal, with passion, with energy, with tenacity.
Fit Girl OUT!!!!!!!
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