T-minus 12 days and counting. . .

When you have the enthusiasm and the passion, you end up figuring how to excel. -- Deena Kastor

January 1st is quickly approaching. And while I'm not one to create empty "resolutions" I do believe in setting goals and renewal. For me January 1st signifies the beginning of my training for the first half-marathon on my schedule for 2011--March 12th. That gives me 10 weeks of training. Hooo-rah!!

Whether you're training for something specific or just "resolving" to get in shape I suggest you check out the www.acefitness.org/getfit and http://www.exercisetv.tv/ as both sites have great tools. I love Ace Fitness because it has an exercise libraray from which I pull moves to include in my circuits. It helps me find moves that target specific muscles--like the hamstrings and shins--that I need to strengthen for running. Exercise TV has great videos for a quick workout or for finding new additions to your routines.

I can't afford a trainer or a fancy gym so everything I do had to be low or no cost. Money and gym dues are no excuse for not getting into shape. Don't waste money on a gym membership if you aren't committed to going. Get a head-start on your resolutions now by getting yourself pumped up!!!

Old Man Winter sucks rocks!

"Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away." — Robert Maynard Hutchins

Dude! I am so demotivated by the cold weather. I realize that I do not enjoy running in the cold--No way, Jose! My hands feel weird (maybe because I need to invest in running gloves), you have to get your layering just right (which takes too much thinking and lots of laundry), and this whole dark sky at 5pm thing is a bummer (I'd rather be under a blanket eating caramel and cheese popcorn watching Frosty the Snowman). I am just being honest.  It's hilarious to me that I had no problem hitting the pavement when it was 100 degrees here in Nashville but I have not been outside running for about two to three weeks. I'm also a little disappointed that I couldn't start Boot Camp, which I was hoping would give me the extra push I need to carry me through until I start training for my next half-marathon.

I know that I am not the only person feeling like this. A Runners' World blogger noted feeling the same "I'll just rest" mentality. But you can't just go with that feeling; you can't just lie around all winter. If you do, then all the great work you've put in will be for naught. When I feel that urge to just rest, I remember all the smaller new clothes into which I've invested my money. I remember all the kudos people have given me for my efforts and how I would hate to face them if I gain back 15 pounds. I think about my little boys who have come to enjoy my workouts just as much as I do (and they all want to run a race!).

So to help in combating my inner blanket-potato I've pulled out my walking workout DVD by Leslie Sansone, the Jillian Michael's set, and am looking into some Tai Chi and Zumba DVDs. I am still working out at least three times a week during my lunch--although I compromised my time last week so didn't end up working out in the gym at all. Sustaining an active lifestyle in the winter is posing to be difficult for me. Add all the food that goes along with the holidays and it seems like I'm fighting a losing battle some days.

I refuse to get another fill (for my lap band) because I don't want to become dependent on it for weight loss. I use my lap band to help reinforce my portion control and low carb habit. Just because you can eat something doesn't mean you should. Yes, now I can actually eat the croissant that accompanies my chicken salad sandwich--but that doesn't mean that I should. Which leads me to a question my Mom posed over Thanksgiving, "Do you think you could have lost the weight without the lap band?"

Honestly, I don't know the answer to the question. I've lost weight before, so I'm sure I could have lost weight without the lap band. But the lap band helped me reinforce healthy habits and helped me see sustained results more quickly. I guess my lap band is almost like a safety net. Is that right or wrong? I don't know but it works for me and I'm thankful.

So, I shall enjoy the down-time and all the Fa-La-La of the season, in moderation.

"It's very hard to understand in the beginning that the whole idea is not to beat the other runners. Eventually you learn that the competition is against the little voice inside you that wants to quit."-- Dr. George Sheehan

Sometimes I hear this voice in my head saying, "You're gonna gain all that weight back, watch." I hear people bragging all the time about losing 15 pounds or 50 pounds and while I congratulate them I'm really thinking, "But can you keep it off?" Not because I'm sadistic and hateful, but because I know the true test is in the maintenance. I've lost hundreds of pounds over my lifetime, but I've never kept it off for any significant amount of time. Back in 2003 I lost a whopping 60 pounds; i went from 312 pounds to 252 pounds. And then winter came. Then I met a man. Then I got married. Then I changed jobs. Then I lost 15 pounds. Then I had a baby. Then I went through depression. Then I had twins. Then I was even more depressed and weighed in at 319 pounds in 2009.

So, that voice I hear is born of my past experience. I hate that voice because I'm not one to be ruled or driven by fear. What I have found over the last five months is that my greatest motivator is the need to achieve, to be better than I was a week ago. This evening that voice of fear started in. Then his cousin anxiety started messing with me and had me thinking about how I was going to wash the dishes, put away laundry (which never seems to end!), study my Spanish, read for my class, AND workout. My old self started craving a bag of chips. The need to stress eat started creeping up. That's when I remembered that day on the hill in downtown Nashville when I let go of that old stuff. I refuse to pick it back up.

I made the decision to put on my workout clothes and do a little sumthin' sumthin' in the comfort of my living room. After my endorphin level was sufficient I felt ready to tackle the dishes, but instead of just standing at the sink I extended my workout. I cranked up my MP3 player and danced as I put away and washed dishes. Squats and back kicks, shimmying, using a plate as a top hat, acting like Michael Jackson, perfecting my Temptations 3-point turn. Ahhh!! Who knew you could have so much fun cleaning the kitchen??

I could have chosen to sit on my butt and do nothing. I could have resigned myself to the fact that "I was just born to be fat." That voice inside my head, the one who wouldn't let me quit during the 15k up Percy Warner trails back in August even as mosquitoes were swarming around me and my butt felt like it was going to disown me, would not let me admit defeat. Every time I have to make a decision about what to eat or how to be more active is an opportunity for me to win. Losing weight and maintaining weight loss is an ongoing thing.

While I have slowed down this winter, I'm looking forward to next year and the four half-marathons I have planned. I'm actually excited about getting back into training mode. Crazy, right? I love that new voice in my head. She tells me that I'm invincible. She tells me that I am a bad ass and can do anything. She tells me to keep it moving, even when I want to stop. The new voice is about victory, not defeat. She's about possibilities, not resignation. (insert Lenny Kravitz style, "Unnhh!")

Reflections

Ironic that my previous post was about seeing your angel within and knowing your worth. . .my Thanksgiving has been a tumultuous experience (internally). Amazing how you can feel powerful, accomplished, and bad-ass one day and in a matter of 20 minutes you're right back to feeling like the red-headed stepchild. I wonder how much of my overeating and emotional withdrawal had to do with my always feeling insignificant, unwanted, and never good enough.

When I get around my family I feel like who I am is not important. I feel like I'm an afterthought. The past year I've worked so hard to get to ME and feeling whole. Nothing significant happened. No one did anything to me. Funny, I started not to even come because I felt a little uneasy. As much as I've tried to pray past this and shake it off, I am stuck in this depressive funk--and it's annoying me. I just want to go home back to my real life.

I understand some of what my brother feels. Like we are the left overs from some nightmare that you just have to live with. Memorabilia of a trip gone awry. The feeling is compounded when you sit and watch the reel of the chosen one. It's like it shines a bright fluorescent light on your past and makes it look ten times worse, even if you think you've made peace with it. Even after you've buried the hurt it creeps up around your ankle and makes you ask "what was it about me?" "what didn't I do?" "what if I had been more/less __?" Would it have made a difference. How different would I be as a person? Or would I still be here but asking different questions?

I am sitting here reading scriptures and praying because I don't like being caught in this funk. This stifles my energy. This blocks my spirit. This hides my love. I want to be past this, forever.

Angels Within

"I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free." --Michelangelo

When you look in the mirror do you see the angel? Do you see the beauty that is in you? The power? The hotness? (ha ha) If you can't see it, what's clouding the reflection?

Every time I hit the pavement I hear the chisel. Every time I choose a small portion over a huge plate, I feel the chisel. Chipping away, one small piece at a time. What I'm finding is that the chiseling involves more than my outward appearance.

If you can't see your inner angel when you look in the mirror, then you need to consult with your maker. Do you know your worth? Do you see your beauty? If you can't, ask God to reveal it to you. Ask Him to help you understand your worth. You are worth the investment in yourself. You are worth the time it takes to chisel away at whatever is hiding that beautiful angel.

For anyone who happens upon this blog, I pray that God reveals Himself to you and who YOU are in Him. For anyone who has struggled with weight, I pray that you learn to love and value yourself no matter what size you are right now. Your beauty is not bound by your dress size nor is it faded by your portion size. I pray success for you in every area of your life. In Jesus name. . .Amen.

Ready to REMIX!!!

"Most of us have just learned to exercise our survival muscle. It's time to build our victory muscle." --Iyanla Vanzant

When I started this journey on July 1st I had one big hairy audacious goal in mind--complete a half marathon. In the course of achieving that goal I discovered some untapped things within myself and started a journey down a road to fitness that I had never fully explored. Many times in my life I had taken a tour but it wasn't until this summer that I decided to become a citizen.

After completing two 5ks, a 15k, and a half marathon in five months I've begun to slow down a bit. Partly because of the weather (it's getting bleeping cold!) and partly because I no longer have a sitter on Monday evenings. It's time for a remix. I do not want to just do enough to keep my weight at bay; I want to do this thing purposefully, ambitiously, always with victory in mind. I'm not the type of person to piddle about just passing time--my action always has a purpose and is done purposefully.

The change in weather and in my life situation (yet again!) has made me think mixing up my workout routine. This may mean that for the winter, running may take a backseat to cross training. While the obvious substitute is the treadmill, I can only take rat-running for so long. It bores me. The other night I had to pull out my Jillian Michael's cardiomax for a quick workout. I may also try to find some Zumba and Pilate's DVDs. This is in addition to my lunch time workouts, of course.

Do not get it twisted--this remix is just temporary. I've already planned out my running life for next year so my training is back on and kicking come the end of February. For others of you on the quest to LIVE fit, please don't the seasonal indulgences and the cold weather set you back. Rethink and remix. Besides, I need to fit into some really fabulous dresses for upcoming holiday parties and my Grandma's cruise in February. Last year this time I was wearing a size 22 dress, but this year I'm shopping for 16s. Oh yeah!!

Brrrrr-ing it on!!

Yo world!! This past weekend (Nov 6th) I completed the Hot Chocolate 5k in Chicago, IL. It was an absolutely fabulous trip. This was by far the biggest race I've done to date. There were 15,000 people registered for the 5k and another 15,000 for the 15k. My whole reason for signing up for this race was to focus on my running intervals.

My last visit to Chicago was when I was 17 years old. I had visited DePaul University and fell in love with the city. This time around I stayed in the heart of the Loop area at the Club Quarters Central Loop Hotel--great little boutique hotel with great rates, they will even bring fitness equipment to your room. I was able to walk to both the expo and the race.

The morning of the race the temps were near freezing!! I've never run in temps that cold. Thankfully I dressed perfectly: dri-wick tank, two dri-wick long sleeve shirts, fleece vest, tights, running pants, and two bands for sweat and to protect my ears. I didn't get too hot and didn't feel too cold. Some people had on big puffy coats; I don't see how they did it b/c I would get too hot dressed like that once I started moving. I actually hate sleeves.

While the atmosphere was awesome, I was a little annoyed at how congested the course was. There were several times when I was at a good stride but had to cut in and out of the crowd. I couldn't get my full intervals in because of the crowd. The slow spots did give me a chance to take pics of the course--which was absolutely beautiful. My goal was to run for two minutes and walk for three. I was stoked when I hit the 2 mile mark at 29:55. The next think I knew I could see the finish line in the distance. I ran the last 1/4 mile to the finish line; my final time was 45min 47 seconds with a pace of 14:45. Not exactly what I was hoping for but I'm happy with it.

I actually felt really good afterwards. It just confirmed for me that I prefer distance racing. Next year I'll do the 15k--with or without my friends. Two of my friends were supposed to walk with me but were unable to (one missed registration and the other was sick). I love Chicago so much that instead of doing the Derby Festival MiniMarathon in April I'm going to do the 13.1 Chicago on June 4th. The course is up Lake Shore drive, with views of Lake Michigan. I can't wait.

Bring it on! I've relaxed for the past few days but now I'm ready for the next challenge. Onward, Soldier!!!

Words are cheap

"Great ideas originate in the muscles." --Thomas Edison

Blah Blah Blah. . .now what?

Words are cheap. . .and so is hot air. Enough with the words and planning and thinking. DO IT!! What good is a plan if you never put it into action? Through the execution of plan you find where you need to tweak areas and maybe rewrite parts of your plan. But you will never know unless you actually put it into action.

Consistency is also important. Working out for one week then never picking up your shoes again is not execution. Your success will come as you plan, execute, revise, repeat. I think about my journey in Christianity. The day I first gave my heart to God I felt great, like I had made a life changing decision. Then the hard work started and I second guessed that great feeling. I made mistakes. I fell off the wagon. But through trial and error and following God's plan (aka The Bible) I've grown and matured in my faith.

Your body is strengthened in the same way. Over time with consistent, effective effort you will see results. Your stamina will increase. Your muscles will grown. The fat will dissipate. Your energy will increase. Let me repeat: OVER TIME WITH CONSISTENT, EFFECTIVE EFFORT. Let's break that down:

• Over time: Be realistic with your time goal and commit the time required to get results. You won't see results if you are only working out one day a week.


• Consistent: Be committed! If you say you're going to workout three days a week then do it and don't let anything sidetrack you. If you can't do it at lunch, change gears and get it in that evening. If it rains, pop in a dvd or pull out your resistance bands. Whatever you do, be consistent. What kind of results do you expect to see if you workout one day this week and four days the next week and two days the week after that?


• Effective Effort: Yes, you have to sweat. Yes, you have to work. Thirty minutes on a treadmill at minimal effort does not get results. Lifting 5lbs dumbbells for 12 reps when you can really do 8 or 10 lbs does not get results. Do you want to see results? Then make your efforts effective. Understand your target heart rate and work in that zone.

Sorry for my rampage, but I've had to give myself the same kick in the pants. The difference between a dream and a goal is a PLAN. But some of the best laid plans never come to fruition because of no (or poor) execution. Let's get it done!!!

Rubber meets the road.

I've mentioned it before but I'll say it again: I love distance walking/running. Going the distance teaches you preserverance. At some point during your route you start to question yourself and your ability. You may even look for an exit (I admit it!) or want to give up, but then you see a little old lady kicking into high gear so you dig a little deeper.

This week has been a challenge for me because I feel like it's been sluggish. Not because of my lack of dedication or the will to get it done. My life just doesn't seem to leave much room for ME. Moment of honesty: I envy those who have the liberty to do whatever they want with their time. I don't have that luxury. I have to be creative in fitting in my exercise or it will never happen. The baggage that comes with this is yet another thing on my shoulders. I'm limited to running back and forth in front of my house. Or on the weekends when I have the kids I have to take them to the park with me or pay a sitter. People look at me funny b/c I let the kids play while I run around the track. What am I supposed to do, just sit there?? And my boys come join me when they want to run with me and I keep an eye on them so I know when to stop over and check on them. This may not be an option once it gets colder b/c then I'll really feel like a bad mom having them out in the cold while I'm running.

So now what?? Do I turn back to my sedentary life? Do I hang up my running shoes and give up? Do I walk silently into the night?

No way, Jose! This is where the rubber meets the road. This is where you dig deep to find that inner thing to keep you moving forward. I remember when I was on that hell of a course called Percy Warner Park and my legs and lungs were burning. I did not give up. I am not a quitter. I am an aspiring long distance runner. I am victorious and will live that way.

My creative workouts may look crazy to others but my kids are loving it. My four year old knows how to use my resistance bands. He knows how to count repetitions. The kid even used canned goods as weights as we were grocery shopping. How can I give up now?

Progress is SWEET!!!

Dude!! I had a great shopping trip Saturday. Not only did I get some great deals but I actually left the store feeling AWESOME!!!! Shout out to Dot's b/c they have cute, inexpensive pieces--which is what I need b/c I plan on slimming down some more. I scored three dresses ($9, $9, and $7-cha ching!!), two necklaces, and a pair of earrings for $28--that's with TN taxes.

One dress is a size smaller than I typically have to buy from Dot's AND the two I bought in my "normal" size are a little roomy on top. Progress is so sweet!!

Now if I could just go down a shoe size. . .

Enjoy the Pursuit

My pastor's (shout out to Pastor Rodney Beard!) definition of success includes "the ability to enjoy the pursuit" of your endeavor. This past week I've been meditating on that. I've talked before about setting yourself up for success and structuring your life so that you can actively combat excuses and obstacles. One of my co-workers stopped by my desk the other day and said she was happy that she didn't have to workout today. I commented that I actually look forward to working out. And it's true. I think if it's drudgery and almost a punishment you're not going to stick to it. You have to find something that you like about whatever activity you choose.

This fitness thing is not about what others prescribe for you; it's about you living the best possible life you can in a way that works for you. If you prefer team sports or need interaction with others, then join a league. If you prefer quiet and tranquility, look into Yoga or Tai Chi (which I love). Try something new and find what works for you. I remember saying, "I'll never be a runner" just last year. And now I can't wait until my legs can stand a full-on, non-stop, all-out run. I remember saying "Yoga is not my thing" and now I'm thinking about adding it into my regime b/c my body needs the stretching. Unless you get up and get moving, how can you possibly know your mojo?

I know some who pass me while I'm working out probably think I'm crazy but I don't care. I sing while I workout. I add a little fist pump here and there if the song is hyping me up and YES, I even "do a little dance." My friends laugh at me in Zumba b/c I sing and add my own shimmy here and there. I enjoy my pursuit of fitness. I like watching my muscles flex in the mirror when I'm doing hammer curls with 15lbs dumbbells. Yeah baby! I'm enjoying this.

I challenge you (whoever you are reading this), to experiment a little. Try a new activity and stick with it for three weeks. If you don't like it, choose something else and stick with it for three weeks. Make an true effort to find your mojo. There are so many things out there to do and with each season you can find new activities. The point of it all is that you are ACTIVE and making an effort to live a life that gets you to new levels of fitness.

I said new levels of fitness, not weight loss. The weight will drop off gradually if you are active and eating right (most of the time) so don't let the numbers on the scale give you tunnel vision. Gauge how you feel, how your clothes fit, your health numbers, how quickly your breathing becomes labored, etc. I'm a solid size 16/18 and I have more stamina and strength than someone who is a size 8. (insert hair flip)

Enjoy movement. Enjoy the pursuit.

Improvise. Adapt. Overcome.

This weekend was the first group run for the Fit Girl Posse and only one other person showed up. For a minute I was discouraged but my Menaces (my three little boys) perked me right back up. When we arrived at the park--did I mention it was 7am and about 50 degrees--they sat down and ate their breakfast while my friend, Rhonda, and I did our warm up exercises and lap. When I started running Eddie and Howie ran to the track and were following me. Howie was running and smiling that beautiful smile of his--hat flying off and all. Eddie kept yelling "wait for me, Momma." My oldest, Wale, didn't leave the table but he was an awesome cheerleader. All I could hear was "Go Mommy! Mommy racing!" (he thought Rhonda and I were racing) It didn't matter who else was or was not there b/c those little people made my day. Of course, I probably didn't get my intended two miles in but I improvised to make sure I worked up a sweat and got my legs moving.

The experience also made me practice grace and compassion. It took me 20 years to find my passion for exercise so how can I judge anyone else? It took me 20 years to make a commitment to myself and my health, so how can I judge someone else's commitment? We all have to start from where we are and decide when it's our time, when enough is enough. Running/walking is not for everyone. You may prefer step or cycling (I hate both!). You may stay more motivated doing Zumba or Kick-Boxing (I love both!). Whatever it is that keeps you moving and wanting more DO IT!! COMMIT to it!! Commit to YOU!!

With my knee and ankle acting gimpy I've had to improvise, adapt, and overcome (can I get a hooooaaaaahhh!). I made sure to pack my gym bag today and I will do 30 mins on the elliptical (thanks for the suggestion Mom) instead of the treadmill to give my legs a little more recovery time. I have to remember that my body is not used to going 13.1 miles in one day; I don't think I allowed myself enough recovery time. Lesson learned. That's why we have to build our plan to allow for NO EXCUSES! We can come up with all sorts of excuses for not doing something but I challenge you to counter your own excuses. Set yourself up for success.

That doesn't just apply to working out. It applies to life. What excuses do you make for not accomplishing a goal? For being late? How can you structure things so that you increase your probability for success? Get you clothes ironed the night before? Wake up 10 mins earlier? Make breakfast for the week? The Bible says (I'm paraphrasing) who plans to build a tower but doesn't first sit down to consider the cost and whether he has the resources to finish it. Read Luke 14:28-34. Plan, then improvise, adapt, and overcome. Onward!!!

Found my next. . .

Last night I had a moment--and it involved chips. I had lap-band surgery in March 2009 so sometimes eating is an issue for me. Yesterday I scarfed down half a banana for breakfast and regretted it b/c it came up during my commute to work (yes, gross). For lunch I had a small garden salad and a bowl of spinach & artichoke soup (not low calorie, dude, but it was veggies). For my after workout meal I ate a quarter of a roast beef & provolone sub (minus half the bread). I tried to eat the other quarter on my commute home but it didn't stay down (again, gross). After having two episodes, I decided to have chips for lunch. I started with some Honey Dijon Kettle chips and then moved on to tortilla chips with queso.

At one point I stopped and asked myself, "Why am I eating this?" And the answer was so crazy. FEAR! My ankle has been swollen since Sunday and it's messing with my head. I keep thinking what if I'm injured? How am I going to keep up my workouts? What if I revert back to my old self? What if I gain all the weight back? And my reaction to this fear was to eat. That is the nuttiest reasoning in the world. Kind of like when you have money issues so you go shopping. Really?? I jumped off the counter and poured the bag of chips into the trash and followed it up with the queso. I then pulled the other two bags that and poured them out as well. I knew when I made the decision to bring them home that it was a bad idea. But I kept them as a security blanket.

This morning I was meditating on my motives and feelings which lead me to reflect on how I felt coming up to the finishing line for the Women's' Half Marathon. Of course I started crying and thanking God. Then my mind brought up a vision of me completing the Rock n' Roll Half Marathon in Savannah, GA next year and running to my mom and hugging her. Man, I lost it. I started boo-hoo crying. I remember when I used to watch that woman run and felt so ashamed b/c I was her daughter and couldn't even get up to a 15 minute mile. I remember watching her teaching aerobics classes and I used to create fantasies where I could do that too. Years ago I even came up with a business plan for a fitness center that she could direct. My mom is my She-Ra and to have her there next year is going to be awesome! I can't put into words how much that will mean to me.

So, my next BHAG (big hairy audacious goal) is to complete the Savannah Half Marathon in 2:33 (an hour better than my time this year) and have my Mom there to give me my medal. Time to get training!

(pic of my Mom and lil sis)

She-Ra is NOT Invincible. . .who knew?

So. . .I felt like a champion having completed my first (of many more to come) half marathon but here I sit five days later and my ankle is still swollen. No I haven't gone to the doctor. Yes, I've iced it (even took an ice bath--brrrrrr!) and elevated, etc. etc. etc. It's not hurting so I've continued working out. It's not as puffy today; maybe that means it's getting better.

Dude! I put together a new circuit and I LUV it! It focuses on upper body, back and core. I haven't come up with one for the lower body yet, mainly b/c I run/walk frequently and do my leg strengthening exercises. Anywhoo, try it and give me your feedback. I did my bicep work with 15lb weights and felt like THE WO-MAN!! (hee hee hee)

• Warm up for 5-10 minutes (depending on your schedule)
• First circuit, 12 reps each: dumbbell flys, reverse flys, bicep curls
• Run/bike/jumping jacks/jump rope (whatever!) for 1 minute
• Repeat 1st circuit
• Cardio (from above) for 1 minute
• Second circuit, 12 reps each: military press, lateral raises, front arm raises (your shoulders will hate you!)
• Cardio for 1 minute
• Repeat 2nd circuit
• Cardio for 1 minute
• Third circuit, 12 reps each: bench press, hammer curls, bench dips
• Cardio for 1 minute
• Fourth circuit: 12 Leg lifts (works lower abs), 30-second plank (push up position), 12 sit ups (or as high as you can go)
• Cardio for 1 minute
• Repeat 4th circuit
• Stretch and chillax

Mission Accomplished

Twelve weeks ago I set out to do something that, at the time, seemed impossible. In 12 weeks I've gone from a complete novice to completing a 5k, 15k, and 1/2 Marathon. Yesterday was so wonderful. The organizers of the Womens' Half Marathon did an awesome job. I will definetly love to participate next year.

My goal going into this was simply to complete the 1/2 Marathon in under 4 hours. I did not want to be scooped up by the "sweep truck." No way, Jose! My official time was 3:33:36. I am so proud of my accomplishment and am thankful to God for instilling in me the determination to execute the plan of action and strive towards the goal. No one can ever take that moment away from me.

I won't give you the complete blow-by-blow but here are the highlights/take-aways:

1) Tylenol PM is awesome in helping you get a restful night sleep, just be sure to give yourself at least 7 hours to sleep or you may wake up a little groggy

2) Walking barefoot to your car in the dark can be hazardous--put on flip flops or something (stepped on a spring, ouch!!)

3) Get all your potty business done pre-race; this Diva detests porta-potties.

4) Start hydrating the night before!!

5) PowerBar Energy bars are excellent pre-race. No tummy issues and no hunger mid race.

6) the dynamic "stretching" routine is bleeping awesome and works!

7) 13 blocks is a great warm up. . .but not so great after the pounding your body takes. Think about the beggining and the end when you park. On my way back to office I was praying for my Fairy God-Diva to turn a banana into a corvette.

8) GU is nasty, but it works!!! It was just the burst I needed to get me pumped after mile 9.

9) My Iron Girl hydration belt rocks!!! It was so cool having my hands free but also having a ready source of hydration in between water stations. After mile 5 I switched to Gatorade mixed with a little water. The pocket on it kept my energy brownie (yes, they make those), my car key, and my massage money.

10) All those years cheering people on from the sidelines I never really knew just how much it can mean to someone. I absolutely LOVED the volunteers and "cheerleaders" along the route who kept us encouraged and motivated. Some were out there supporting specific racers but were gracious enough to send love your way. I will never view sideline cheering the same. To hear someone yell "Jenita you rock!!" or "Good job, Jenita" as I'm pulling out everything I have to get over a hill was simply beautiful.

11) God is so awesome! I downloaded a number of songs from iSweat Fitness on Thursday night. I hadn't had time to listen to all of the songs prior to making my "13.1" playlist. As I coasted into mile 3 a song named "Power" came on. After that was one named "Everyday." As I was walking these songs ministered to me--and yes I was singing!! IKeep your heart tuned into the spirit God.

12) I set a personal record (PR) back to back. I completed my first mile in 15:29 and my second mile in 14:50. After mile 4 my pace settled in at about 16:00. So glad I bought a stop watch b/c I was able to somewhat monitor my pace and not get to comfortable or too fast.

13) I want to thank the lady who I initially passed on mile 3 but who caught up with me at mile 6 and ran with me through mile 7. You motivated me at a moment when I was faltering. You encouraged me to dig deep and keep pushing. Thank you and congrats on beating your goal.

14) Words cannot fully express everything I felt along the 13.1 mile route. Just before mile 10 my right ankle started stiffening up and my left knee was aching. But this was part of the course that I had trekked before in my training, so I knew what was ahead and refused to give in to the pain. When I was about halway through mile 13 and walking up the Shelby Street bridge I could envision victory and almost started crying. But I told myself "keep it together girl! No blubbering!" When I rounded the corner of 1st and Demonbreun I couldn't help but cry because I remembered the chubby 7th grade me who couldn't tumble. I remembered I stopped riding a bike because the tires would go flat when I got on. I remembered the doctors all telling me that I would probably develop diabetes. I remembered what it felt like to be denied life insurance because of my height to weight ratio. All those things came flooding to my memory and all I could think was "No way!! No more!!" To see people clapping and cheering, to hear the announcer say "Jenita, you just completed the Womens' Half Marathon," and to have someone drape a medal around your neck. . .Such a wonderfully marvelous feeling. Victory is indeed sweet.

I have to take a momen to thank my friends and family who have been so encouraging and supportive. Although I step out on the pavement alone, it's your words that I call to memory when I start feeling alone. My mom and my step dad were cheering me on in spirit all the way in Georgia :) My fellow Zumba-lover, Yo-Jo supported me from Denver, CO. And my homegirls Al and Audrey had my back way over in Hawaii. Thank you to all of you prayed for me and kept me encouraged. Thank you to my pal Sandy C.S. who also completed the 1/2. Having her there meant so much.

What's next?? Monday starts the first day of the training schedule for my new running group, Fit Girl Posse. Currently I'm plannning out another fall race, either a 15k or a 10-miler, and the Country Music 1/2 Marathon in the spring. What I know for sure is that ther is no turning back. Fitness is not a hobby; it's not something you pack in a box and pull out when you need it. You live it every day. You wake up every day and raise the bar. "Good, better, best. Never let it rest until your good is better and your better is best." Be blessed and stay tuned.

Woooooossssaaahhhhhhh!

This is it. For 12 weeks I've been training, getting stronger daily, all for tomorrow morning. They say you should get plenty of rest--Dude, I can't sleep!! For two nights I've been restless and anxious, worrying about if I'll be able to finish. I have visions of the "course sweep truck" having to cart me off the course b/c I'm the last person. I've been repeating to myself two things: "Be anxious for nothing" and "Finish Strong!"

I guess you never know how effective your training is until D-Day. Soldiers never know if their combat training was effective until they experience combat. From there, their skills and abilities are honed because they have an idea of what to expect. I have to remind myself that this is my first time in the "theater of action" so I should not expect to perform like a vet. One thing I learned from the 15k is to run my race and not someone else's. I will not make the mistake of going out too fast this time b/c I paid for it. I will not make the mistake of not knowing my course. I will not make the mistake of not warming up sufficiently b/c it made the first two miles horrific. Lessons learned. . .

On a sidenote, I'm already feeling alone. This time around I will know a few people in the crowd (a coworker and a friend) but they are runners so I'm sure they'll be way ahead of me. I'm really hoping that the FGP running group works out b/c it would be nice to have people around to share in the victory--and take your pic for you!

Anywhoo, I'm rambling. Tonight I'm hoping to be in bed by 8pm. I've already picked out my race outfit and headgear. I think I may purchase a knee support b/c it's been talking to me the last couple of days. There is nothing more I can do to prepare at this point except rest my body and relax my mind.

This fat girl is ready to move on to the next chapter.

Five Days!!!

Dude, I'm hyperventilating!! And I think my body is subconciously trying to sabotage me. I've been taking it easy (possibly too easy?) and my left knee and shin started aching a little yesterday. I'm thinking it's because I had on flat sandals all weekend. So I'll definitely have to make sure and do my foot, shin, and OA knee exercises this week.

I found a Race Week workout in the October issue of Runner's World that I will do this week. I also read some really great advice on warm up routines. I think one of my mistakes on the Athena 15k was that I didn't warm up adequately. I think for the 1/2 marathon I will park my car in my office building and walk down to the Country Music Hall of Fame. It's about 13 blocks so that should be a pretty nice warm up w/o tiring out my legs; just need to allow enough time.

It's hard to believe that all my training these past 82 days is coming down to how I prepare this week. . .Whatever happens, I've enjoyed the journey (most of it).

Ode to potato chips

If you have known me longer than five minutes, you know that I have a thing for potato chips. They are my stress reliever. There is just something about the "crunch, crunch" that soothes my wittle nerves. So imagine my surprise when this evening all I wanted to do was get out and run.

WTH?? No urge to pick up a bag of Jalapeno Cheetos?? Onion Blossom Pringles?? Surely you jest?? Run?? Who am I???

Yes, I was craving--needing--a quick run. At 9:35pm I was doing intervals in front of my house and actually enjoying working up a sweat. Plus, I got to try out my new hydration belt :D

The fat girl in me is still perplexed.

Take it easy?? Huh?

With only 9 days until the 1/2 I'm supposed to be taking it easy and tapering off my workouts/runs. Say what?? You must not know me very well. I am an over-achiever and my own worst critic so this "taking it easy" thing seems counterproductive. BUT. . .I am smart enough to know that experts are experts for a reason.

All of my research and training guides (and vet runners) say that you need to back off a few weeks before the big race. So, I haven't been shooting for any particular distance this week. Instead I've just been making sure my legs stay awake. Yesterday I ran a quick mile while waiting for my kids to get home. Nothing serious, just worked on my pacing during that mile. I would have gone longer but they arrived just as I finished mile 1.

Today I jogged for about five minutes as a warm up for weight training. My workout buddy and I did a 21s routine from Hers Muscle & Fitness--awesomely painful!!! I'll take a day off tomorrow and do more weights on Friday.

Saturday I'm planning on participating in the Franklin 4 The Cure 5k with my son. It's the only race I could find that gives all the kids medals. Since the boys will be with me this will be more of an easy stroll as opposed to training. I read an article in October's Runners World that has some race weeks workouts. I'll probably follow that for next week--and no weight training. Maybe I'll get a massage. . .

By the way, I did go ahead and start a running group: Fit Girl Posse. I'm excited b/c one of the downfalls of training alone is that it's kind of lonely during the race b/c you have no one to share the joy of victory or push you when you reach a mental block. But then again, that's the cool thing about running/walking: it's all you out there pushing and pumping and digging and moving ever onward. I hope they learn to love the joy and the pain as much as I have. (insert sinister laugh and fade to black)

Note to self. . .

So, note to self: don't drink four glasses of wine the night before a significant run. Yes, I had four glasses of wine. I was at home by myself (kids were gone) and bored. Yes, I know I should have been hydrating. No, I should not have stayed up until 1am on the computer. Trust me, I paid for it!

Saturday I did the middle of the 1/2 marathon course (from 18th Ave South). I started an hour later than I had planned--b/c I stayed up too late. As usual, after the first mile I found my groove. The route wasn't too bad. I was able to pick out the spots where I can gain some time by running. None of the hills were horrible (nothing like PWP). But then, I felt dehydration creeping up on me. About 4 miles into it I ran out of water and started getting a headache. Thankfully, some group was hosting a walk and let me fill my water bottle (thank you Lord!). I was good for another few miles when I ran out of water again. I had the foresight to bring $2 with me so I stopped in a store and bought another bottle of water. After that I felt my mojo coming back and I started enjoying myself again. Yes, there is joy in the pursuit.

My goal was to get 10miles in but I honestly don't know how far I went. I made myself stop after two hours b/c it was starting to warm up (It was 10:33am when I ended) and get more humid.

I can stay that I am so glad I ran the course. The coolest part was coming to the Country Music Hall of Fame. I could envision the finish line. I could envision myself running across the finish line with a huge smile on my face and sweat on my brow. Victory! It was too cool. One lesson I learned from the Athena 15k is to know the course. I will never be unprepared like that again. There is only one section of the course that I'm unfamiliar with but I plan on checking it out tomorrow.

One strange thing that kept creeping up this weekend was that feeling of being alone; not lonely. I know that my family and friends support me, but I feel like I am disconnected from people. I don't want the only thing I talk about to be running, but I have to say that I absolutely love it (well, currently walk/jogging). Saturday when I passed these two guys I felt so. . .I don't even know how to sum up the feeling. Being the fat girl all the time you get used to be passed but it is freaking awesome when you pass someone--and stay in front of them! I also found my pace Saturday. I was able to run more than I ever have (off the treadmill) and I wasn't totally spent afterwards. That "walk until you're bored, run until you're tired" thing really works. After my first stint of running Saturday it's like my legs were saying "okay okay, now lets go!"

To anyone preparing to renew your lifestyle, be prepared for the full cost. It takes sacrafice, discipline, time, and effort. It may cost you some friendships. It may cost you some "fun time." But for me, it has been worth it.

15 Days to Go. . .

So, in case you haven't realized it now I'm setting myself up for success. Not just for the 1/2 Marathon but for afterwards. This morning a few friends and I have decided to form a running group (starting Oct 2nd) so we can be Bad-A$$es together. This will help keep me accountable. And I guess I'm like my Mom in that keeping others motivated keeps ME motivated (funny how that works). I've also planned out a solo race for myself and a 5k for the group to end out this year. These things are helping me see my fitness-life past the 1/2 Marathon.

Additionally, the Global Corporate Challenge ended this week so I'm no longer "required" to enter my daily steps but I know that I need to find some mechanism for keeping myself accountable daily to keeping my butt in motion. As much as I hate food/fitness journaling I'm going to have to put on the "big girl pants" and get to it. Any suggestions are welcome!!

Next on tap is to follow up with the dietician and find me an inexpensive but GOOD personal trainer/running coach. One of my FB friends is friends with a fine-specimen of a man who is part of a running group. . .maybe I'll send him a message (hee hee hee).

Tomorrow is my last long run/walk before the 1/2 Marathon and I'm still fighting my nerves. The next two weeks will be a serious time of prayer, discipline, and reflection for me. It is not a fluke that as I've gotten stronger in my body, I've gotten stronger in my faith.

You have to have a measure of faith to believe that you are capable of walking a distance that most would not. You have to have a measure of faith to trust God to keep you going when all your legs want to do is stop. Through this journey God has been with me--walking alongside me, carrying me, pushing me, patting me on the back--He has never left me. So, I HAVE to believe that He will be with me when I step up to the starting line on Sept 25th. Do you know that feeling? Do you know what it feels like to expect victory even before you begin? Do you know what it feels like to know that no matter how tired your arms get (like Moses), God will send someone to hold them up? That no matter how long the fight takes, He can make the sun stand still (like for Joshua)? That no matter how much you've suffered, He can restore you (like Job)? Do you know the God I serve? I invite you to take a walk and get to know Him.

18 days left!!!

OMG!!! Am I counting correctly?? 18 days until I have to complete 13.1 miles?? Seriously! Maybe that's why my blood pressure went up. I don't know if this is normal but I'm really starting to get nervous and questioning my ability.

Yes, I completed a hellacious 9.32miles (my glutes still tremor when I think about it). Yes, I've been putting in my miles when I can. But being a single-working-mom requires a lot of creativity and flexibility when it comes to my training schedule. Thankfully a friend took my kids for the evening yesterday and I was able to get in an hour. I tracked a 3 mile route but added to it b/c I had extra time. I'm guessing I did maybe 4 miles yesterday.

Gotta say, whatever the outcome of this half marathon, I'm hooked. I made myself stick to a "warm up" pace for my 1st mile and then it's like my legs woke up and I was off to the races. I swear it's the best feeling in the world when your body goes shouts "I WAS MADE TO MOVE SO GET OUTTA MY WAY!!" To top that off, I have the tendency of dancing while I walk, especially if it's a great song. I'm sure it makes for interesting conversation for passing motorists.

Okay, I'm calm now. Onward!!

Time to get a team in place

A month ago I read a book by Martina blah-blah (can't spell her last name), a famous tennis player. One of the things she stresses you do is get your team together. That was reinforced by Bill G. (one of the Biggest Loser winners) when he spoke to our group--trust the advice of your experts. I don't know how much more I can do on my own. Up to this point I've gained knowledge by research, reading, and T&E (trial and error). But I need help b/c I can't seem to push past this mark.

While my goal during the training for the half has not been weight loss, it does bother me that the scale really hasn't moved much. I know I've gained strength and endurance. My clothes fit better. But the numbers are starting to get to me.

Today I contacted a dietician and will be working with her on planning my meals and figuring out what works for me. I would also like to see about getting a fitness/running coach even if I can only afford one or two sessions per month. Or maybe I'll join a running group. I just know that I need to get a team of people around me who can help me push to the next level. I have the internal motivation, I have the dicipline, and most importantly the desire to make lasting changes. How can I not succeed?? I've battled this weight thing for as long as I can remember and for awhile I was resigned to always being "plus sized." My goals, in my opinion, are realistic and obtainable--I just need help getting there.

For anyone who thinks that having weight loss surgery is the final solution to your weight problem---WRONG!! I know for me it has only been an aid, but I've had to really change the way I eat, the way I think about food, the way I plan my meals and hydration, the way I expend the calories I consume. This thing is not easy. To all those out there who make the conscious effort to MOVE and make lasting life changes I am with you and feel your struggle. We can do all things through Christ. Endure until the end, keep moving forward no matter how tough a day you have. God honors your genuine efforts and you will see the results if you endure until the end.

Still No Excuses. . .23 days to go!

So, I didn't get to do my lunch time workout today. But do you think that stopped me?? NOOOO. While the boys were eating dinner I went out in the back yard and ran laps intermittent with drills (squats, lunges, jumping jacks, pushups, front kicks, calf raises, one legged squats). The boys joined me midway through and we raced a little bit. It was much better than doing a video. Something about being outside that I like.

Yesterday I did some speed work on the outside track--yes, in the hot __ sun!! I added in some race walking. I'm hoping that by using race walking techniques I can speed up my pace a bit. I have 23 days to incorporate it. We shall see. . .

Setting an example

Don't know if I mentioned this before, but one of my objectives through this journey is to make movement a part of my kids lives, not just mine. In an earlier post I reflected on how my mom taught aerobics but "activity" was never a family thing, it was her thing. Which is fine; I'm not ranting against my madre (she's my personal She-ra). I wanted to make movement a "family" thing.

When I'm not able to get to the gym I workout at home. So, I started including the boys in that workout b/c otherwise I get nothing done. Last night they wanted to exercise instead of read a story. I had them stretch like a tree and roll like the wind and twist like a snake. We had the best time. My 4yr old wanted to wear my race bib and medal, then he looks at me and says "I wanna win da wace like mommy." That made me feel so good; it made me go check http://www.active.com/ for kids runs coming up this month. I found one where all the kids who participate get a medal. I can't wait!

I'm helping them develop good, healthy habits that I hope they will employ for life. Legacy is not just about money and property.

I hate numbers. . .

Sometimes I really hate numbers. . .my official time for the 15k was 2hrs and 53mins. Which means my pace was 18mins 33 sec per mile--which is much lower than the pace I train at. I keep telling myself that I have to take into account that the Percy Warner Park course was HELLACIOUS. The course for the half-marathon is nowhere near as hilly as PWP.

The next few weeks I will add in more hills and portions of the half course so that I will be better prepared. I want to finish in under 4 hours and at my 15k pace I would be over 4 hrs.

I guess that's why you can't just go by numbers. Hence the reason I don't weigh myself very often :)

Back on my training schedule--2 miles easy today, crosstrain Tues, five mile speed work Wed, crosstrain Thurs, rest Friday, long route Saturday, and easy 30 mins Sunday.

15K Conquered!!

Today was about the most challenging physical activity of my life. At least in childbirth you get drugs! Let me start by saying I respect anyone who can run/walk Percy Warner Park. If felt like I was climbing Mt. Everest. Dude!! And there wasn't just one hill--I lost count b/c there were so many. The scenery was beautiful--minus the mosquitoes--but I will never do that course again, as God is my witness (in my Scarlet O'Hara voice).

Let me back up. Today I completed the ALKALI-Project Athena 15K at Percy Warner Park. This is in preparation for the half-marathon on Sept 25th (for anyone who doesn't already know this). I arrived at about 6:30am and immediately felt alone and out of place. I found a secluded area and did some warm-up and stretching and retied my shoes. No one else out there looked like me--my size or my hue. My stomach was a ball of nerves, or maybe it was my bladder. While in line for the port-o-potty (one word: YUCK) I met Rebbecca. She was also alone and she was a walker/jogger. We talked for a minute and she said, "now neither one of us is alone."

At the start everyone ran, except me. When everyone passed me I panicked and started running too--which is a no-no. That lasted for a hot second then it was back to my walking pace. Mile 1 seemed to take forever and I was a little discouraged b/c my clock said 7:27, but then I remembered that we didn't start exactly at 7am. At mile 2 my clock said 7:43. That marker also served as the 5 mile marker and two runners passed me. The lady said "Good job" to me and before I knew it I was crying. I just wanted to raise my hand and say "I quit. Just let me go home and eat some collard greens and dressing." And that's when I saw my buddy from the port-o-potty line. She was about a 1/4 mile ahead of me. All of a sudden I felt like maybe I could do this. I kept her in my sights--seeing her ahead of me kept me moving.

Around the 4th mile I caught up to her and we chatted. At mile 5 she was ahead of me again but mid-way through I passed her. From that point on I stayed ahead--even when I wanted to stop. I know now why they say on races stick with those who are about the same pace or a little better than you. These people keep you motivated but realistic.

The 6th and 7th miles were by far the most arduous. I felt like my lungs were going to give out on me. Once I passed mile marker 8 my body started aching so I stretched a little and kept going. When I saw the marker for mile 9 I started crying. I couldn't believe it. My longest distance to date has been 6 miles. I went into this not sure if my body could take it.

Victory was so sweet. I wasn't first (wasn't last either) but I finished and have the medal and photo to prove it.

To anyone out there who is hesitant about setting a goal or worried about what others will say, I say DO YOU!! At 200++ lbs I completed a 15k in under 3 hours!!! You can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens you. To trust in Him is to be assured of victory--and victory is so sweet.

Day 55 (IKR!! Can't believe it!)

Hellllooooo world!!

Feeling awesome--but still a touch nervous about the 15k this weekend. I'm just getting my regular training in this week and praying like crazy that I can complete the 9.32 on Saturday. Even if I'm the very last person so what, at least I will finish (right???).

Yesterday I had a great session. It was supposed to be my "easy" two miles but instead I did about an hour of a sort-of interval session--I alternated walking two laps and running one. And I'm talking actual running, not jogging :) It felt good to put a little speed into the mix. My knees help up well so I think my goal of running a half-marathon in the spring is realistic.

On another note, I'm thinking of starting an "active" group focused on just being active and fit. I want to see if any of my friends & co-workers would be interested. We shall see. . .

Today my plan is to cross-train (using my circuit from an earlier post) and then Wednesday get my mid-week 5miles in (not looking forward to waking up at 4am).

"I move onward, the only direction. Can't be scared of failure, in search of perfection"--Jay-Z, On to the Next One

35 days left!!!! OMG I'm freaking out!

Wow, time flies!!! I only have 35 days left until the half marathon and I'm starting to doubt myself a little bit. The next few weeks I'm just gonna focus on getting my miles in to work up my endurance.

This whole journey has been crazy-cool. I've had to shift my "sight" from what I see with my natural eye to seeing what's going on beneath the surface. My pants are falling off my butt--granted, I don't have much butt. My shirts are fitting better. I feel like Xena/She-ra and healthwise my body is in great shape. These changes have made me look at other aspects of my life.

For the first time since 2005 I'm tracking my eating. And while it's not horrible, it could be better. I'm not getting enough veggies and need to take a daily multi-vitamin. Also, my protein choices tend to be too fatty. Need to incorporate more fish and leaner cuts.

One step at a time, one foot in front of the other. Big changes start with the consistent application of smaller changes. "I move onward, the only direction"

Day 49--Success by Numbers!

Dude, I don't think I'll ever like waking up at 4am. To top it off, it rained the last two miles of my route this morning. But I have to say that I feel great. Awesome starting the day off with endorphins and sweat--it was actually kind of humorous. After that bit of serendipity, I made my way to work and spend an hour and half in traffic--b/c people apparently don't know how to drive in the rain. Which of course made me late for work, but I walked in with a smile on my face :)

I had a wellness check today and my numbers are good. Of course they gave me the standard "talk" about my weight, BMI, and Body Fat %. I am happy with the numbers because they are waaaay better than they were last year.

Weight: (not as much as I would like but I've been doing some weight training; clothes fit fabulously)
Body Fat Percent: 41.3%
BMI: 38.8
Blood Pressure: 130/78
Total Cholesterol: 187
HDL Cholesterol: 48
TC/HDL Ratio: 3.9
Glucose: 90 mg/dL (HA HA! To the docs who told me I would "likely" have diabetes)

Onward soldier!!!

Renew, Rebuild, Refocus

As you may have noticed, I changed the name of my blog. With 39 days left until the Half Marathon I've been thinking about "what's next?" What I have come to realize through this journey is that goal setting works for me. As does accountability--which is part of why I started this blog. To say "I want to lose weight" isn't enough for me b/c it's too broad and too general. However, when I employ the same methods to my fitness life as I have to the rest of my life, IT WORKS. I also realize that when I train or workout with other people I tend to be "less" of myself than I normally am when I workout. What people don't realize is that I am my own personal trainer when I'm out there. I prod myself into pushing it and finishing my reps, etc. I don't go out there to socialize or catch up. My workout time is my time to WORK IT. So, I've become okay with declining offers to work out with people. No hard feelings, but I want the payoff.

I'm rambling now. LOL!

This week I have to get 13 miles in. I did 1.5 yesterday and will do another 1/2 mile today along with my weight training circuit. I'm supposed to get 5 miles in on Wednesday morning (yucky 4am run) and then 6 miles on Saturday. Next week will be a 7 mile Saturday, then the week after that I do the 15k (9.32 miles).

My weight has not changed much, but I had a doctor's appointment on Monday and she said (yes, I'm quoting), "Wow, you have a nice strong, slow heartbeat." That's a good thing. It means I have a low resting heartrate. I can't wait until Wednesday to find out my numbers. I am going to reapply for life insurance this year. . .I've been putting it off b/c I know I will cry if I'm denied again.

I'm loving the way I feel and seeing the small changes that add up over time. Renew, rebuild, refocus. Onward soldier!!

Day 42: The Un-thinkable

Well, I did it. I woke up at 4-a-freaking-clock in the morning and did my 3 miles; yes, I was supposed to do 5 but it was not happening this morning. Baby steps, right?? My left knee was a little achy so I am going to look into some exercises to strengthen it. My mom told me to do leg raises daily so I've been doing those (to build the muscles around my knee). Surprisingly, I had a great morning. We'll see how great I feel at 8pm tonight. . .Oi!!

This week is testing my committment b/c I have other lunch-time obligations, so I've been using my "No Excuses" at home circuit to get my cross-training in. The boys exercised with me last night and it was soooo cute. They used soup cans for weights (they called them muscles) and they loved counting backwards. My four year old tried to show me how to do lunges. . .bossy like his Mommy :) After the circuit we just danced--I made them a playlist and they loved it.

I love that they can be a part of my workouts. Growing up I used to go to my Mom's aeorbic classes but beyond that I never really knew much about "living movement." Yes, she used to watch videos and develop cheoreography, but it was never something we did as a family. One of my goals is to develop a lifestyle of movement for my boys. I want them to grow up with a love of physical movement--even Edward (the un-athlete). They will be walking with me and my Mom on Sept 4th in the Run for Jane Leukemia Cup in Savannah. That one will be just for fun, no timing to think about.

Day 40: Making great strides!!

I'm so proud of myself. For some people reading this my "great accomplishment" might be really mundane but I don't care!!

This past Saturday (Aug 7th) I participated in the Smyrna Parks & Recreation 5k Challenge. I was so nervous beforehand. Not that I was worried about the distance as I've done a few 5ks; I was worried about my progress.

First of all, the next race I enter I really want someone there with me. I felt so all alone. I had to get someone to take my pic for me and I didn't have time to take my tshirt to the car so I tied it around my homemade racing belt. Nevertheless, I felt like a real contender when I tied my timing chip onto my shoestrings. I lined up about a 1/4 of the way down the "line" because I didn't want to hinder the runners. I knew going into it that I would walk my first mile.

The gun fired and. . .everyone shot out like jets. Seriously, I was passed by an 80 yr old (looked like it anyway), a 9 year old and a dude pushing a stroller while running. But I kept my focus and paced myself. People in front of me were jogging and stopping and I was tempted to jog. I was tempted to look behind me and see how far back I was in the pack. But I kept hearing a voice saying "Don't worry about what's behind you. Keep moving forward towards the goal."

When I rounded mile 1 I saw the timing clock and couldn't believe my eyes. I completed the first mile in less than 15 mins! Oh Boy!! I felt like running for real then, so I let myself jog about a 1/4 of a mile (okay, maybe less). For my last two miles I combined walking and jogging. My final time was 48:43 with an overall pace of 15:43.

I am so excited!! I've been training at 17.5-18.0 min mile so to have completed my first mile in under 16 mins was so awesome.

Today I'm on schedule for 6.5 miles on my long walk. There is a heat advisory so I'm wondering if I should take a step back and just do 4 miles. I'm revamping my schedule next weekend and doing my long walks on Saturday mornings, so I won't feel to bad about stepping it back today. Think I'll play it by ear and see how it feels out there.

Oh yeah, I've also been able to raise $45 to help me pay for the Half Marathon registration of $95. This racing/competing thing is not cheap. The 15k is like $55 and the 5k in Savannah is $28. But, I feel like a million bucks, baby!!!

FEMALE AGE GROUP: 30 - 34

BIB GUN CHIP
PLACE O'ALL NO. NAME AGE TIME TIME PACE
21 398 135 JENITA LAWAL 33 49:11 48:43 15:43

Day 37--Paradigm Shift

Good morning world!!!

My spirit just wants to break out singing "I won't let go 'til you bless me Lord! I'm gonna get what you promised me. I won't let go!!"

No matter what happens or how hard things get I AM VICTORIOUS!!! I can feel that my thinking, my perception of self has changed. I am open to the new places that God is taking me and His game plan.

Tommorrow I will complete the Smyra Parks & Recreation 5K Challenge. I'm praying for a finishing time of 55.8 minutes, but even if it takes me a little longer I will be thankful for finishing. Even more awesome is that my company is reimbursing me the money for the walk. Plus, I just received a notification of a discount for the 15k coming up on August 28th. PLUS, a couple of people have pledged to help me pay for my Half Marathon registration.

God is good! Have a marvelous day, world!

Day 35--Try my circuit

Just did the best circuit workout! I created this one based on a couple that I found. I like it b/c most of it does not require machines. Tweak it however you like, but remember to keep the weights moderate so that you can overload with reps. I actually felt invigorated afterwards and had a great sweat going on. Have to say, my fav workouts are interval and circuit. Let me know if you like it :)

Warm up: 5 minutes bike/treadmill/calisthenics

1) Bench press or pushups - 1:00
2) Squats - 1:00
3) Pullups or pulldowns - 1:00
4) Bike/jog/jump rope - 3:00
5) Military press - 1:00
6) Lunges – 2:00 (1min forward step, 1 min backward step-alternating legs)
7) Bicep curls (alternating arms, 2count up, 4 count down) - 1:00
8) Bike/Jog/jump rope - 3:00
9) Tricep extensions - 1:00 (I prefer laying on a bench and doing these as opposed to standing)
10) Leg ext - 1:00
11) Leg curls - 1:00
12) Back extensions on ball or floor - 2:00
13) Crunches - 2:00
14) Bike/Jog/jump rope – 1:00

Cool down/stretch: 5-10 mins

Kudos for me? (blushing)

I received the email below after sharing my story on the Global Corporate Challenge website. My company is participating in the GCC this year and it is what inspired me to be conscious of my movement. My story also had comments posted from people all over the world. Is that not awesome?? How can I stop now?

"Hi Jenita -
Thanks ever so much for sharing your incredible story on the GCC Community page and CONGRATULATIONS on an outstanding effort!!!

You personify the essence of the GCC and an inspiration to your family, team mates, co-workers and the entire GCC Crew.

In fact, your story totally made our day! As a small token of our appreciation and in recognition of your amazing commitment, we would like to send you a GCC T-shirt and cap. Please let me know what size and where to address it and I will make the necessary arrangements accordingly.

With your permission, we would like to use your story as a case study. We always welcome written testimonials, photos and videos from participants around the globe who have experienced the benefits of the GCC first hand. We’d love you to wear the GCC cap at your Half Marathon and would be thrilled to include something from you if you are able to provide it.

Please let me know if you have any questions or wish to discuss details."

With best wishes,

Regards Jude – Regional Director, Central, USA
Global Corporate Challenge®
Get The World Moving™

Day 33 (aka 53 days until D-Day)

I completed 6 miles today and I should have been elated. Last week I remember feeling like a rockstar. . .this week something strange happened. Now I get those sappy moments on Biggest Loser when the contestants start crying and the trainers get all deep and stuff. I get it.

Maybe my mistake was completing mile 2 through Centennial Park-- seeing all the skinny people jogging and running looking all fit and trim. I tried to jog part of the way but my bum knee protested so I just kept walking. Into my 4th mile something strange happened. I was overtaken by the need to cry. I just wanted to stop and forget all about this stupid goal. I started thinking about how big I still am and how hard I'm working and it doesn't seem to matter. I started feeling ashamed of myself for waiting until 33 to decide to be active. I felt ashamed of my fat self out there trying to keep up with the beautiful people. I seriously tried to rememer the phone number of the security desk at my building so they could come pick me up. I felt shame wash over me. Here I was midway through accomplishing something I've worked so hard for and I felt. . .shame?? WTH?? I know this sounds crazy, but this is what was going through my head.

I called my Mom but I don't think she really understood it; actually, I didn't even understand it. And just as I was about to reach the bottom of the hill near the state capital I heard God say, "endure." What does it matter if you sprint half way through only to fall to the wayside? The race is not given to the swift. Life is about progression. Life is about living it minute by minute in your lane, not in someone else's.

The shame I felt did not motivate me; it made me want to quit. It made me want to take my shoes off and go sit on the couch. Shame is born of fear. When you start redefining what's possible, when you start becoming more of who God says you are the fear crops up. It crops up because when you redefine what is possible, you have to examine how you have defined yourself previously. . .and why. I remember feeling ashamed when I would go to my Mom's aeorbic classes. I thought she'd be embarrassed to tell people that I was her daughter. I remember feeling shame working out and catching my reflection in the mirror.

Today, as I rounded mile 4 and crested the hill into mile 5 I confronted my fear and my shame. Today, as I completed my 6 miles in 1hr 50min I chose not to beat myself up for walking at a 18.33 min/mile pace. Today I am thankful that every day I'm getting stronger and every moment I'm getting closer to God's purpose for me. Shame and fear have no place in my destiny. Onward and onward, higher and higher until I reach the finish line.

Off Topic. . .but

Whenever you find yourself choosing to be less of yourself to please other people, you have a problem. Funny how that happens in ALL relationships, not just romantic ones. I'm ever learning to not compromise who I am and what I want so others feel more comfortable or will like me. Maybe part of that comes from being an Army brat and always having to make new friends. . maybe it comes from always being the "big girl" and wanting to be wanted/liked.

All I know is that at this point I tired of it. I've learned to say no when I really want to say it (I'm working on the not feeling guilty part). I've learned to walk away from a person/situation when I'm being trampled on and start feeling beat up. I've learned that who I am is okay and I actually like me. I like my goofines, energy, optimism, tenacity, ability to focus, love of children, ability to make people feel included. . .I could go on :P I've come to realize that while I may not be the jazziest, most decked out, most eloquent, just all around illest, I am the best ME there is.

Day 30 (that's T-H-I-R-T-Y)

I think I've reached a turning point. Last night I was dead tired but made sure to pack my gym bag before I went to bed. That ended up being a good decision b/c I was running late this morning. At 11:00 I ate my pre-workout carbs/protein, at 11:30 I started hydrating. At 1:00 I headed up the stairs to the gym. . .only to realize that I left my running shoes at home (by the door, of all places). What's a girl to do? Did I turn around and go out to lunch instead? No, I went on up, changed my clothes and worked out with good old calistenics and resistance bands.

That decision lets me know that I've turned a corner. I've committed myself to this new lifestyle. I've been overweight all of my life (at least the parts I remember). In 2003 I lost 60 pounds but as soon as my life changed my committment to exercise waned. My error was that exercise was a thing to be done, it wasn't really part of my life. My goal then was weight loss and how I looked on the outside. My goal now is to be the best me I can be. That is something that will never stop; meaning, even when I reach my goal I need to set a new bar. What else am I capable of doing? Can I inspire others to re-set the bar?

Exercise is no longer "something to do" for me, it is an avenue for me to BE. God made these muscles for movement. He created endorphins so that when things got hard we'd be infused to push through. He created lactic acid to feed the muscles. When I'm out there walking/jogging, I look around and am in awe of how beautiful my surroundings are. I found a new park on Wednesday and thought about how nice it would be to walk in that area. I pray that God sustains me and helps me turn the corner for good. I don't think it's a coincidence that our walk in this life is equated to a race. . .

Day 29--Yeah baby!!

I can't believe it's almost been a month since I started training. I feel so good!! Although the scale hasn't moved I'm not bugging because I'm more focused on clocking my miles every week and increasing my endurance.

Let's see. . .

Monday, July 26th I got completed 5 miles in about 1.5 hours (that's minus time wasted waiting on traffic lights). It was so cool. I felt like Rocky Balboa when I finished. After I settled down a bit I had a mild case of the shakes, which I think is normal b/c of the adrenaline.

Tuesday I jog-walked about 1/2 a mile and then did my weight training circuit.

Wednesday I actually relaxed. The most strenuous thing I did was an attempt at a Yoga DVD that I borrowed from the library.

Today (Thursday) I completed a 30 min interval session: 5 min warm up with 1 min walk/2mins jogging then a 5 min cool down. I made a great playlist for my MP3 player which helped keep me motivated.

Working my way up to a six-mile walk this week and then the Smyrna 5K on Saturday, Aug 7th.

Onward soldier!!

Day 23

Well, I made it past the 3 week mark. I've sustained a healthy lifestyle (for the most part) for 23 days. God is good. . .I'm continuing to make progress and am looking for a 5 mile route to walk on Monday.

I've given up trying to get my walks in on the weekends b/c it's so hard to get a sitter. So, since Dee keeps the boys late on Monday nights I'm just going to use that time to get my long walks/jobs in. If I just do it from here that gives me 3 hours to workout and head to Murfreesboro. If I don't hit 5 miles this week I will be behind schedule.

Day 19--Wow!!!

Okay, so for 19 days I've been training for the Women's Half Marathon that will take place on Sept 25th. This weekend was tough b/c I really started feeling discouraged b/c of the babysitting situation. I set my alarm to wake up at 4am on Saturday but was too tired to get up when it went off. So I tried again Sunday morning and again was too tired. I thought maybe I'd get to walk Sunday evening but that was a no go. So, I set my alarm for this morning then woke up at 2:46 and deactivated it b/c even in my sleep I was like "hell no." Sooooo, needless to say I felt very defeated today.

BUT!! Instead of going to Zumba or Kickboxing this evening, I put on my shoes and earplugs and clocked 3 miles. I thought it was 4 but I miscalculated. I actually could have gone a little more but it was 7:30 and I didn't want it to get dark and I had to leave to pick up my boys at 8p. All in all, I feel good about today. My overall pace was about 17.5 - 18 mins/mile. My goal is to get to a 16.5-17 mins/mile. I want to be able to jog a mile here and there to make up time. In due time, for now I need to find a longer route b/c next week I'm getting my miles in. I'm thankful for what I was able to get today, but I'm ready to kick it up a notch.

I definitely need some shoes. The ones I have are cool for now, but I think some of my foot & knee aches are related to my shoes. Now that I have a clip for my MP3 player (a cell phone holster--and only cost me a $1), my next purchase will be a stop watch. I need to get a true feel of my pace. I know my 1st mile is slow, but by the 2nd mile I'm into it and the endorphins are pumping so my pace is a little faster.

Looking forward to tomorrow--weight training! Think I'll look on the web for a routine I can use. Thank you, Lord, for a good day.

I

Oh boy!

Tuesday, July 13th was my "rest" day and I needed it b/c I was thrown for a loop. Life changes on the horizon, but it's cool. I'm not upset or afraid, just praying for guidance.

On another note, training is going well so far. On Wednesday I incorporated some strength training into my routine using sets of 21s. Afterwards I did two laps walking, two jogging (Yes, I jogged two laps continuously) and finished with 2 more laps walking. I definitely should have spent more time stretching b/c I was feeling it in my pectorals and whatever muscle is in my arm that is used when opening your arms wide (like doing a fly).

On Thursday, July 15th I timed myself at a 19min mile. I'm a little disappointed b/c I was really shooting for a 17 min mile. For the half, I really want to get my pace between 16-17mins per mile walking, so that the jogging is "extra" and I can jog to make up for time lost.

Anywhoo, I have to do better about blogging. . .

Day 10-11 catching up

I was a little bummed this weekend b/c I didn't have anyone to sit with the kids on Saturday so I didn't get a walk in. I was going to take the boys out for a stroll at least but it was raining :( There is still no excuse b/c I could have done an excercise dvd or something.

I did train on Sunday but was a little upset b/c I don't think I did the full 4 miles. I didn't track a route b/c so I tried to just shoot for 10,000 steps on my pedometer. It was 2:15 in the afternoon with the sun beaming down and I added in a few small hills. About an hour into it my knee started aching and I ran out of water. . .I really felt like I had the energy to do more but I didn't want to injure myself and be completely out of the game. So, I stopped. I did about 3.5 miles. I really want to shoot for 5 miles this weekend.

I found a website that will let you upload your walking route and view other routes, which is cool. I found a couple for Smyrna and La Vergne and am going to look up a couple for the west end/vandy area so I can jog on my lunch break.

Sometimes I feel like David--ill equipped and outnumbered--b/c I'm starting from ZERO and others are already running like 8 miles etc. Lord, I know I can do this. I know I can finish this half marathon. I know that I can stay committed to my training and complete the goal set before me. Amen!

Day 9

Yeah, baby!! I finally joined the fitness center at my office, which has both a treadmill and an outdoor rooftop track. The added bonus is that I have a place to shower when I do my walk/runs through the city. I have access to it on weekend as well, so. .. NO EXCUSES!!

The only hurdle I have now (no pun intended) is childcare for my long walk/runs but I'll let God handle that. Jenny can't keep the boys overnight b/c she has 8:30am meetings every Saturday for her job. So, that cancels out my early morning runs on Saturdays. . .some kind of way it will work out.

"If you're trying to achieve, there will be roadblocks. I've had them;
everybody has had them. But obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a
wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it,
or work around it." Michael Jordan

Day 8

I had a great walk last night. It was such a beautiful night and it felt like God was speaking to me. I almost fell asleep during my stretching. . .and then I started worrying about Wale's school readiness b/c of a conversation with a friend. So I stayed up until midnight researching info. All that time spent walking with God and meditating over "promises" "commitment" "trust" "consistency" and I was so easily distracted. Before I laid down I just said "Lord, I lay this at your feet and pray for direction and wisdom." I slept like a log :)

During lunch today I didn't feel like hopping in the car (now I remember that I need gas, dern it!) so I put on my music and started walking. Before I knew it I had racked up 7000 steps (and a nice perspiration). My training schedule only called for 30 mins today but I got in about 45 minutes. Even though it's hot, it is such a beautiful day. That leaves my evening free. . .think I'll do an activity with the boys.

Day 7

"How are you using your time? Search your heart and think about what is important to God. There is a time and a place for everything. With God's wisdom and guidance, you will find the answers."

The above was taken from one of my guided journals. It's funny that I came upon this one b/c this last week I do feel like I have more of a sense of order. As I'm going through my routine I can hear God saying "okay, now do this or don't worry about that." To some that may sound crazy but for those who know me, they know I try to do ever dern thing. I'm learning to do what I can, while always striving to be a little better, and let the rest happen when it happens.

Yesterday evening the boys and I went walking around the neighborhood after dinner and then we colored for a little while (I did a great job on my sailboat, thank you very much). I didn't feel rushed or harried. We just enjoyed our evening--of course, they got on my nerves a couple of times.

Today I need to get in a 25 minute stroll, but I have a committment at lunch. I'm going to get it in this evening (notice I didn't say "try to get it in"). Thank you Lord, for guidance and order and wisdom and time management.

Day 6

I'm off to a great start, slow & steady! My computer has a virus so I couldn't update for Days 3-5 so here's the recap.

Day 3 (Saturday) was a "rest" day so I just hung out with the boys and ran errands. I did a lot of stretching and reading and movie watching.

Day 4 (Sunday) I jog/walked 3.2 miles in 50 minutes. Considering I did it at 2:10pm with the hot sun beating down on me, I think I did a great job. I was so proud of myself. About 1/4 into the first mile I started alternating jogging & walking every three mailboxes. I stuck with walking about half way into the distance b/c the heat was starting to get to me and since it was my first "long stint" I didn't want to over do it. Once the endorphins start kicking in I feel invincible and have to stop myself from pushing too hard. The last thing I want to do is injur myself.

This week I will be joing the gym in my office so that I can get my runs and cross-training session in during lunch or even come in early since they have showers, a track, and equipment.

My prayer at this point is for the committment to remain consistent in my training and keep pushing forward towards the goal. Maybe God planted this desire in me to help me learn what it is to be committed to a personal goal. Maybe it is to spend time with him b/c the whole time I'm out there I'm praying and talking to God and myself. We shall see. . .

Day 2

I have a running buddy!! A girl at work is going to run/workout with me at lunch. She is a former track buff--relays, cross country--so, she's going to help me with form and some basics that I don't know (and can't pay someone to teach me).

I consulted my training calendar and I'm actually right on track :) The calendar called for a 25min run yesterday (which I did, thank you very much) and an easy walk today. This evening I think I'll take the boys to the park after dinner and just walk around while they play.

This is do-able. At first I thought I was crazy trying to go from zero to 60 in 12 weeks. But I can do all things!! Why? Because God said I could. I am powerful, fierce, determined and an all around badd mamma jamma!!