There are so many thoughts going through my head right now. I want to write something inspirational. I want to unload some emotional baggage. I want to wax poetic about my training for the 13.1 Chicago. I want to share the woes and joys of gong from Fat to Fit. . .But I have no idea where to start or how to pour out to you everything that's going through my head. This past week I've been asking myself "why" a lot. Why did I sign up for these damn races? Why do I take on so much? Why does it hurt me when people live up to their pattern and consequently disappoint me? Why do I downplay my accomplishments? Why do I compare myself to other people?
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| My 5 yr old running with me at the park. |
Why do I keep running?
So, I had to ask myself why did I hesitate registering for the Rock N Roll Savannah Half Marathon. I guess a part of me knew that my reason for choosing the race was not fair to me. I chose that race so that my family would have no excuse for not being there. It wasn't because I just love Savannah (which I don't, sorry). No. I did it because I was seeking approval from my family and wanted them to be there to share in something that has become so important to me. I had this vision of them standing at the finish line and me running into their arms and crying tears of victory with a triumphant musical score playing in the background. Sappy, I know.
Here's the truth: my running is not about them and nor is my racing. My family may never come out to support me and I have to learn to be okay with that. One of the hard parts about changing your life is changing your emotional patterns. Remember, your spirit, mind, and body are connected. Your emotions are a part of your spirit and can greatly effect how you treat the other two areas. That's why when you're depressed you sleep and eat (or in some cases starve yourself). Or if you're anxious you have insomnia and eat. When you're seeking love and attention you turn to negative self-talk and eating chips or Klondike bars. . .or is that just me?
So, instead of running in Savannah on Nov 5th I will instead run in the Coastal 1/2 Marathon in Orange Beach, AL on Nov 26th. Yes, that means I'll be on the beach for Thanksgiving. Ahhhh! Now that's being true to me!! Yes, I train because it keeps me focused on fitness but I reward myself by purchasing a race outfit and traveling. Before I started training, travel seemed like a luxury I couldn't afford, but now I plan my travel around my races and it excites me. Next year I would love to run in Bermuda. Oh yeah!!!
What is the point of all this rambling?? DO YOU, FOR YOU!! It's much more rewarding than trying to please others or be someone else.
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