If you look closely at a tree you'll notice it's knots and dead branches, just like our bodies. What we learn is that beauty and imperfection go together wonderfully. ~ Matthew Fox
I am coming to terms with the fact that I may never look like Laila Ali and it makes me sad and frustrates me a little. There are side effects to living a lifetime of obesity. I used to wonder why the contestants on The Biggest Loser took their shirts off when they were fat, but had shirts on when they lost the weight. Now I understand: the loose skin. I personally think it's very dishonest of them to hide that from viewers because it makes it seem like once you lose weight your body will be perfect, like "normal" people. Maybe it's different for people who were skinny, then gained weight, then lost it. Maybe it's different for people who were obese until they were 20 then lost it. I don't know. I hide my arms because I feel like people see the skin, not the muscles I've worked so hard to develop. I just know that sometimes I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle.
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| Which one is perfect? |
According to my Tanita numbers 74 lbs of me is fat, which puts my body fat percentage at 35.5 with a BMI of 32.6. Considering when I first started this journey I was at 55% body fat and had about 150 lbs of fat, I should be ecstatic. Most of the time I am. . .but I look around at others my same size and I can't help but feel cheated. Why is my body made this way? Why can't I look like this person or that person? Haven't I worked hard enough? When will I be "there"? I've been at this for almost three years and feel like I should be at my goal look, my gauge of perfection.
I wonder if one rose looks at another rose and compares it's petals? Do trees, blossoming and swaying in the wind, wonder why they don't have as many blossoms as the one two houses down? Do leopards compare their spots? Fish their scales? Of all God's creatures are we the only ones to question His handiwork? Are we the only ones who want to "improve" what He created? If by God's hands I am beautifully and wonderfully made, why do I look at myself with so little admiration? Why can't we see the beauty of our imperfection?
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| Feb 2011, Beautifully and wholly ME! |
